Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Just when I am in the mood @ 12:59 am
Tumblr freaking screwed me up so badly. Dammit and just when I want to note things down.
Whatever happened to the old me? You know, the one is there but not highly noticeable, the one who is quiet most of the time, the one who actually LISTENS to others when they have problems, the one who cares.. Sadly, I've changed, not always for the better apparently. I do hate myself right now, I am pretty fucked up compared to before. I want to go back, go back to the point where I truly care for people, spending time listening to their problems and feeling them.
Now? Pshh, I do listen, I do. But it's different, I don't feel the attachment, I don't care as much. & I realized, I've been too busy being caught up with my own problems to truly care for others.
Fuck, I cry at least once a month and I blame it on PMS. Then again, I have PMS during my secondary school years too, I don't see myself crying so often. I guess that's just me cracking down due to the amount of stress I give to myself. Worst part of this all is I can't even find a place for me to cry properly, to sob like a child and cry my heart out. I'm like always crying on the bus ride home, or when I am walking home but never loud sobs, just tearing.
I need one day, alone. No disturbance from anyone, no smses, no phonecalls, no nothing. I just want one freaking day to gather all my thoughts together and pull myself up, find back some of the old me.
& I freaking hate mobile phones. It makes you too contactable till you are committed to reply others when they text you, you have to be readily available no matter when and you are bound to your mobile phone like it's your lifeline. That's the reason why I throw my phone into one corner when I'm at home. I just want some time alone.
